Brand new school, brand new idiot
by Azzi.Turner
Summary: The vampires and wolves have moved to a new town, and are attending a new school. Jacob and Rosalie end up having all the same classes and a practical joke war begins!:
1. It all starts here

Rosalie Hale stepped out of her car and heard the awes that always followed her. She rolled her eyes. Her boyfriend/brother/(this ones the real one) husband, Emmett put his arm around her shoulders. Rose looked up at him.

"School?"

"Yes, school, I know you don't want to go to school again, but if we want to stay here a while then you have to," Emmett grinned goofily.

Behind them Isabella Cullen and her husband/boyfriend/brother Edward slipped out of their car and into the shade of the bushes. Alice and Jasper followed them, Alice leading the way to the office, skipping merrily. Rose rolled her eyes again and took Renesme's hand and walked her to the front office. Renesme was Bella and Edward's daughter but was posing as Edward's little sister while they were at school. The Cullen/Hale family had a secret identity to keep. For six hours, five days a week, they were humans. For the remainder of the day, they were vampires, well, except…

A van pulled up in the school parking lot and out of it stepped nine people. Eight guys and a very grumpy looking girl. Seth, Paul, Quil, Embry, Jared, Colin, Brady, Jacob and Leah. They all looked really strong and muscular. Jacob, the leader of the pack, raced up behind Rosalie and Nessie and scooped the later into his arms. Nessie squealed with delight.

"Jake! Put me down!"

Rose kicked the wolf in the shins, hard. He dropped Nessie and Rosalie caught her before she had even made it half an inch away from Jacob's hands.

"Oww!" Jake howled loudly causing everyone in a hundred mile radius to turn around and look.

"Shut up." Rose said simply, before flouncing of into the office

Rose sat down in her first class. The teacher walked in and English class began. Ten minutes later there was a knock at the door. One of the boys got up and opened it. Standing there in the doorway was Jacob. Rose looked at her desk.

_Go away dog there's a good boy _she thought

"Right," said the teacher. "Go sit in the spare seat next to that blonde girl over there."

Jacob sat down next to Rosalie, "Hey Blondie."

Rose growled.

Jacob smiled and thought to himself, _Oh yes, this is where the fun really begins_


	2. Let the war begin

Jacob leant over his desk and spat his chewing gum into Rosalie's hair.

"Eww! You filthy mongrel" she screeched.

The teacher turned around, "Do you have a problem with my teaching method Miss Hale?"

"Not you sir, i didn't mean that you were a filthy mongrel, I was talking to Jacob." Rose pointed at Jacob, who poked his tounge out.

"Uh huh," the teacher nodded. "Well, I'm sure you wont mind having detention fo disrupting my class."

Rose opened her mouth but no sound came out. She turned to face Jacob and smiled a sweet smile that sent shivers up Jacob' spine. She looked way to innocent.

"i'm going to get you for this mutt, so you'd better watch out.

**Authors note: **Sorry it's so short, I'm busy with a school play and a mound of homework. More soon.

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own it.


	3. That warm fuzzy feeling

**Authors note: **Well, I got this up sooner than I thought. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed this story so far. This chapter's not as funny as i could have made it, but don't worry, it gets better.

**Disclaimer:** i own nothing except my dignity, oh wait, never mind.

Rose walked to her next class, it was sprot, well that could only be fun. Right? _Right?_ She quickly got changed and hurried out into the gym. Yuk, she was in a mixed class. And quite frankly male sweat was the worst smell ever, even worse than standing next to a dog.  
Which Rosalie was doing.

"What are you doing here, mutt?" she hissed.

"What do you mean?" Jacob replied. "This is my class, it's mixed."

"They didn't tell me they were mixing dogs ino it."

Jake poked out his tongue.

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "You are soo imature."

"i take that as a compliment," Jacob grinned.

"I'm sure you would."

The teacher walked up to the class, "hey there guys! I'm Mr. Frankabald."

"Appropriate name," whispered Jacob, the teacher had no hair.

Mr. Frankabald continued talking, "I want you to pair off into groups of one girl and 1 guy. Come on, now please."

Rose turned to see all the guys trying to approach her, without looking to eager. Finally one buff looking boy with muscles on his muscles came up to her.

"hi,'' he said. "My name is Daniel, what's yours?"

"Rosalie."

"Pretty name, wanna partner up?"

"Only for sport, no where else."

Jacob scoffed and walked off towards a nerdy looking girl.

Rose took the tennis ball off the teacher and stood at the net next to Jacob. Daniel served it to her, gently. She spiked it back. Hard. Straight into Jacobs open mouth.

he made a muffled noise.

"Fetch," Rosalie grinned at him.

Jake spat the ball out. "Now there's tennis ball fluff in my teeth."

"ha!" she exclaimed. "You know you've got a big mouth if a tennis ball fits in it!"

Jacob threw the ball back, slobber came off it as it flew through the air,Rose dodged it and it SMACKED straight into Mr. Frankabald's bald patch.

He spun around, "Who did that?"

Every hand pointed to Jacob, except Jake, who pointed at Rose.

"Alright Black, see you in detention."

"See you there sir!" jacob called back.

Rose ran up to him, "you know you smell absolutely putrid when you're sweaty."

"Is that your best payback?" asked Jacob.

"oh no," Rose shook her head, "thats just the beginning."


	4. Purple is a funny word

By the time art class came around Rosalie was just about ready to dig a ditch and bury herself in it, or even _better_, the dog.

"Hey Rose!" yelled Jacob

"What is it now?" Rosalie glared at him

"What do you get when you cross a blond with a-"

She cut him off, "One more word dog and you're dead meat," she hissed

The teacher called the class to attention and explained what they would be doing, they had to paint a picture with their favourite thing.

_This will be too easy, _thought Rosalie, _primary school work_

She began to paint herself. She looked over at Jacob, he was painting what looked like a german shepard eating a yellow fish. _Weird _she thought.

She was so absorbed in drawing herself that she didn't even notice when Jacob began painting her hair purple, but when she did.

"Jacob Black!" she screamed

He pulled back in surprise as Rosalie turned to hit him, she knocked the paint brush from his hand (by accident of course) and it went flying and hit the teacher in the face. Jacob snickered.

"Who did that?" asked the teacher

Rosalie pointed at Jacob, who was still snickering

"Jacob Black!" yelled the teacher.

Jake grinned at the teacher sheepishly, "Sorry, I'll do detention after school if you want."

The teacher went back to what he was elbowed Jacob, hard.

"oww, what was that for?" he asked.

"Cheater, you've already got detention after school."

When lunch time finally rolled around Rosalie was so exhausted by Jacob's antics. He wouldn't bloody leave her alone. He was in all her classes so far. She walked into the lunchroom and was given a massive bear hug from Emmett.

"Hi babe," he said. "How's school?"

"I'm ready to drop out, the _mutt's _in all my classes."

Emmett stroked her hair, then stopped, "Why's your hair purple?"

Rosalie pointed with her middle finger at Jacob, who was sitting with Bella and Edward.

Emmett lowered her arm. Rose looked up at him and smiled. At least there was one thing she could always depend on. Her other half to stop her, when she needed stopping, wait, is that even a good thing. Rose shook her head to clear her thoughts.

Jacob approached Emmett and Rose, "Hey Blondie.. boy have I got a story for you..."

**Authors note: **Sorry this chapters not too good. My sister wrote part of it. No offence Ethel.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing except my dignity, oh wait... never mind.


	5. In drag part I

Jacob piggy-backed Nessie to his car after school.

"Jake?" she asked.

"Yeah?" Jake replied.

"Why is Auntie Rose so grumpy today?"

"Coz I like getting on her nerves, Nes, duh, why else?"

Renesme laughed, "Yeah, don't we all. I wanna help."

"OK," Jake put Nessie in the car and then climbed in himself and started on the way home. "You can think of an idea for me to use."

"Cool," Nessie thought for a minute, then leaned over and touched Jacob's face.

She showed him the pack dressed up in blonde wigs copying Rosalie's every move.

Jake laughed, "Wicked cool, if we could get the little leech in on it then we could dress in clothes the same as her!"

"You're going to wear drag to school?"

"Yeah," Jake raised his eyebrows at her, "You wanna?"

"Not really wearing drag, I'm a girl already."

"Oh, yeah, right."

When they got home they went and found Alice, the 'short leech'. She agreed to help them and told them exactly what Rose was going to be wearing, from her shirt right down to her underwear.

Jake found the pack when he was done with Alice and told them his plan. The pack loved it. They went out to the shops and bought the clothes, including bras and knickers. And of course, the blonde wigs.

The next day the wolf pack arrived at school during lunch and walked straight up to the table where Rosalie sat with Emmett and sat down.

She looked up at them and raised an eyebrow, "What are you playing at?"

The pack looked at her, raised an eyebrow each and said, "What are you playing at?"

Emmett laughed, "Oo, this looks like fun."

Rose smiled, she had an idea, she just had to test it. She tapped four times on the table. The pack tapped four times on he table. Oh yeah, thought Rose, this'll be fun. She kissed Emmett full on climbing onto his lap then jumped off his lap and gestured at it for the pack. They shuddered, Emmett laughed though. The pack, one by one copied what Rose had done. Rose laughed. Emmett laughed. The pack laughed, but only because Roaslie had.

Rose jumped up from her table and ran around in circles as fast as a human should, the pack copied. She stopped. The pack stopped. The pack swayed about dizzily. Rose laughed. The pack laughed. One member of the pack threw up. Oh yeah, thought Rose. Now it's time to have some _real_ fun.

**Authors note:**Hey, sorry it's so short. It was 's idea. Sorry, didn't know if you wanted me to say that. Anyway, didn't want to leave you hanging. Second part of the chapter coming soon, to a computer near you.

**Disclaimer: **Yeah, obviously I don't own Twilight. Otherwise Robet Paterson soo wouldn't be Edward.


	6. In drag part II

Rosalie ran over to the cafetaria with the pack on her tail **(He he, the pack has tails, not rose) **Once she got into the cafe she bought a hotdog, licked the sausage and tossed it into the garbage. The wolves reluctantly dug intot heir pockets bought the hotdogs, slowly licked the sausages and threw them in the bin. Rose laughed and the guy at the counter lookd on sadly, as if his hotdogs tasted like rubbish.

The wolves shrugged, dropping their act, reached into the bin and began to eat their hot dogs.

**Authors note: **Sorry, I haven't updated in a while, I've been busy writing some of my other fanfictions. I don't know what's happening next, I didn't even know what's happening now. I need more ideas or this short excuse for a chapter might be the last you read of this story.

**Disclaimer:** if I owned it, Edward would be dead, so obviously, sadly, I don't and he's not.


	7. Plan A

_Authors note: Soz it took me so long to update. I've been busy and unable to think of ideas. But here we go, finally got it. And you can expect the next chapter in a week or so._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Can't think of anything witty to put, so laugh anyway._

Jacob stormed madly into the house, "I can't believe that stupid leech. She's such a thirteen itch!"

Emmett looked up from where he was playing on the floor with Nessie, "Rose? What did she do this time?"

"Nothing! That's what," Jacob threw his hands up in defeat. "I sat there poking her in the shoulder for the whole two hours of double English and she didn't even flinch."

Emmett pulled a 'no, really?' face at him, "Maybe that's because she could get hit by a train and not even notice. Rock hard skin remember?" Emmett punched his chest to prove his point.

"yeah, I know that," Jacob said. "But I thought my very presence would be enough to get her to at least shift away from me in her seat."

"You do have that 'clear the room' smell and essence about you, Jake," Emmett laughed.

"Thanks," Jacob rolled his eyes. "Can you help me think of a way to prank Rosalie?"

Emmett tilted his head thinking for a moment, "Okay!" he jumped up. "Where shall we start?"

"The beginnings always a good spot," Nessie spoke up.

Jacob grinned, "Good one Ness."

Rosalie entered the room with Bella, "Hey Emmett, Nessie. Dog."

"Hey Rosalie," Jacob called. "How do you make a one-armed blonde fall out of a tree?"

Rosalie waved sarcastically and left the room.

"Jake," Bella whined. "Could you be nice to Rose just once."

Bella left. Jacob turned to Emmett with a mischievous look.

"That's it!" he announced happily.

"Yeah," Emmett agreed. Then paused. "What's it?"

"I'll be nice to Rosalie," Jacob grinned proudly.

Emmett knocked him on the head, "How long have you been out in the sun for today, kid? You're not thinking straight. Since when is being nice to Rose pranking her?"

"No, you're not seeing it" Jacob responded.

"Obviously," Emmett muttered.

"I'll be really nice to her and she'll think I'm up to something. Trust me mate, it'll be hilarious."

"If you say so," Emmett replied in a sing-song voice.

"I'm going to go get ready now," Jacob jumped up to leave the room. "Not a word to your wife, got it?"

"Got it," Emmett replied. How could he tell Rose Jacobs' 'masterplan' if he didn't understand it himself.

_Authors note: that was it. Please review, makes me update faster. I hope you liked this chapter._


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